March 2013 – Purposeful Pursuits

Service and Love

Thank you — Youthlinc Service Trip to Thailand – A Whole Lotta Love!

The surest way to love someone is to serve them. This is an idea that I have been living with for many years, but I received a much needed reminder this week about the powerful force that is unleashed by giving service. Think about the last time that you served someone, served him or her with an open heart because you knew they were in need and you were ready to help. Now examine your feelings for that person. I would imagine that, regardless of the relationship, there is an underlying tenderness that is distinct from most feelings of friendship or regard.

A couple of years ago I led a church-based tutoring group that met once a week to help elementary school children from the Hispanic community with their homework. I had no affiliation with these kids, other than spending one hour a week reading, going over math or science problems*, and helping review upcoming homework assignments with their parents. I have not seen a single one of those children in three years and I don’t remember any of their names. And yet, my heart softens when I think of the times that one particular little girl would come to me with her scissors and glue and prepare to complete her project with more energy than I could ever muster on a weeknight. Because of the service that I rendered, I developed a love for her that will always remain.

The photograph above is from two of my cousins who went on a service trip to a school in Thailand with Youthlinc. Still in high school, these two girls left their comfortable homes, beds, cars, cell phones, cable tvs, hot showers and every friend to go to help these young students. Two years later, their hearts are still full. Their eyes light up as they name a child from the school. They would go back in a second and they will remember these children forever.

Time and again I have entered a service opportunity reluctantly. It is never a convenient time, and I always have a mile long list of other things I would rather be doing. But without fail, by the end of the event I can’t help but smile. My burdens are lighter, my goals are loftier, and my spirit is renewed for another round with the toils of the world.

So here is the other side of the equation. We feel inclined to give service, and the natural side effect is love. But what if we need to love someone? What about that person who always manages to find your last nerve and then do backflips on it? What about the obnoxious neighbor who talks too loud, or the coworker who is always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? I challenge you to take that person and find a way to provide service to him or her. Wash your neighbor’s car. Bake your coworker some cookies. Just see what happens, you might be surprised.

*I saw one homework problem, I’m not kidding, of designing a new impact-resistant bumper for a car. Selecting the materials, drawing the schematics, writing a work order. This was for a sixth grader! I didn’t provide much help on the homework, but I was the most enthusiastic supporter in the room.

Where I’m From

You would think that asking a girl where she’s from is a pretty innocuous question with three possible variations on the answer (e.g. “Lincoln”, “Nebraska” or “Lincoln, Nebraska”). However, I am from the nomadic tribe known commonly as “military brats” and the simple answer to that question continues to escape me. It usually starts off with, “well, I grew up in the Army, so I’ve lived all over the place.” Then comes the recitation of cities, states and countries that I have been blessed to call home. I’ve attempted to come up with a more direct answer. My parents currently reside in Maryland, but I never have, so I’m not from there. I most recently lived in D.C., but have nothing but old tax returns to lay claim. I’m currently in graduate school, which is almost the epitome of temporary living, I’m not from here. Where is home? Let me tell you.

“Home” is an amazing collection of parents, siblings and friends. It’s the place where I always feel safe, like somehow everything is going to be perfectly as it should be in the end. Home is where it’s okay to cry, but it usually ends in laughter. Home is where relationships are always more important than things. In my home, sharing is de rigueur and if I can’t find anything to wear there are three or four more closets I can check. Home is where there are always extra people sitting down for dinner and where the food is always better than any restaurant.

I am from the place that loves this country dearly, and where we have laid many sacrifices in its defense. I am from the place where we are expected to learn every day and to never walk away from a problem unsolved. Where I am from, hard work is just how you do things and everyone is expected to pitch in. I come from miles of road, hours of service, millions of psi of hugs, love and the occasional karaoke night. That’s where I’m from. And it’s pretty awesome.

Living with Slack

My homage to The Sandlot, a lost ball, and a whole lot of slobber

Last week I was driving across town with a friend when we spied a forlorn little boy standing in his yard while a lone soccer ball rested in the gutter on the far side of a chain-link fence. My friend immediately turned to me and asked, “can we flip around and go get his ball for him?” Are you kidding me? Heck yes, let’s get that ball! After a couple of quick u-turns and a dash into the street, we drove off and left one very happy kid reunited with his soccer ball. Probably the best three minutes I spent that whole week.

As I drove away from this encounter, two things were implanted in my mind. First, thank goodness for people like my friend who spoke up and took action when he saw the opportunity to help someone out. I’m trying to turn more thoughts into deeds, but I need the example of good-hearted people around me to remind me to make a u-turn and go get that kid’s ball. Dan, this is for you, thanks.

The second thing is something that I’ve been mulling over for awhile, and was reinforced with this event. I have recently been trying to incorporate more “slack” into my life. Instead of letting everything run right up to the wire – time, energy, finances, groceries – and then being thrown off when one little kink gets thrown in, I’m trying to build in buffers so I have space to maneuver without disrupting my entire day.

I realized the need for more slack in my time management a few weeks ago when I was finishing up some homework at around 2 am – working at the last possible minute after six full days off of school. See, I had planned to do my homework on Monday and turn it in on Tuesday. But then on Monday my sister needed my help with a whole list of things that she had to get done, so I ended up starting my homework sometime around 11 pm, instead of 11 am as I had planned. The problem was that I had no slack built in to my time, so I couldn’t accommodate any variation without massive repercussions. Since then I’ve been trying to be more proactive in managing my time, getting things done and out of the way so I have room for last minute “surprises.”

Having slack in your time allows you to not only stay on schedule for unexpected events, it also gives you the freedom to make choices in the moment. If I had been running late for an appointment as I drove across town that day, I would not have had time to pull over and grab that kid’s ball. If my homework was due Monday night instead of Tuesday morning, I would not have been able to help my sister with her needs.

So this is my goal: don’t pack my day so full that I have no time to stop and help a friend. Don’t put things off to the last minute so my time is constrained and I can’t choose where to spend those precious moments of the day. In essence, manage the slack.