Simple Service – Purposeful Pursuits

Service and Love

Thank you — Youthlinc Service Trip to Thailand – A Whole Lotta Love!

The surest way to love someone is to serve them. This is an idea that I have been living with for many years, but I received a much needed reminder this week about the powerful force that is unleashed by giving service. Think about the last time that you served someone, served him or her with an open heart because you knew they were in need and you were ready to help. Now examine your feelings for that person. I would imagine that, regardless of the relationship, there is an underlying tenderness that is distinct from most feelings of friendship or regard.

A couple of years ago I led a church-based tutoring group that met once a week to help elementary school children from the Hispanic community with their homework. I had no affiliation with these kids, other than spending one hour a week reading, going over math or science problems*, and helping review upcoming homework assignments with their parents. I have not seen a single one of those children in three years and I don’t remember any of their names. And yet, my heart softens when I think of the times that one particular little girl would come to me with her scissors and glue and prepare to complete her project with more energy than I could ever muster on a weeknight. Because of the service that I rendered, I developed a love for her that will always remain.

The photograph above is from two of my cousins who went on a service trip to a school in Thailand with Youthlinc. Still in high school, these two girls left their comfortable homes, beds, cars, cell phones, cable tvs, hot showers and every friend to go to help these young students. Two years later, their hearts are still full. Their eyes light up as they name a child from the school. They would go back in a second and they will remember these children forever.

Time and again I have entered a service opportunity reluctantly. It is never a convenient time, and I always have a mile long list of other things I would rather be doing. But without fail, by the end of the event I can’t help but smile. My burdens are lighter, my goals are loftier, and my spirit is renewed for another round with the toils of the world.

So here is the other side of the equation. We feel inclined to give service, and the natural side effect is love. But what if we need to love someone? What about that person who always manages to find your last nerve and then do backflips on it? What about the obnoxious neighbor who talks too loud, or the coworker who is always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? I challenge you to take that person and find a way to provide service to him or her. Wash your neighbor’s car. Bake your coworker some cookies. Just see what happens, you might be surprised.

*I saw one homework problem, I’m not kidding, of designing a new impact-resistant bumper for a car. Selecting the materials, drawing the schematics, writing a work order. This was for a sixth grader! I didn’t provide much help on the homework, but I was the most enthusiastic supporter in the room.

Living with Slack

My homage to The Sandlot, a lost ball, and a whole lot of slobber

Last week I was driving across town with a friend when we spied a forlorn little boy standing in his yard while a lone soccer ball rested in the gutter on the far side of a chain-link fence. My friend immediately turned to me and asked, “can we flip around and go get his ball for him?” Are you kidding me? Heck yes, let’s get that ball! After a couple of quick u-turns and a dash into the street, we drove off and left one very happy kid reunited with his soccer ball. Probably the best three minutes I spent that whole week.

As I drove away from this encounter, two things were implanted in my mind. First, thank goodness for people like my friend who spoke up and took action when he saw the opportunity to help someone out. I’m trying to turn more thoughts into deeds, but I need the example of good-hearted people around me to remind me to make a u-turn and go get that kid’s ball. Dan, this is for you, thanks.

The second thing is something that I’ve been mulling over for awhile, and was reinforced with this event. I have recently been trying to incorporate more “slack” into my life. Instead of letting everything run right up to the wire – time, energy, finances, groceries – and then being thrown off when one little kink gets thrown in, I’m trying to build in buffers so I have space to maneuver without disrupting my entire day.

I realized the need for more slack in my time management a few weeks ago when I was finishing up some homework at around 2 am – working at the last possible minute after six full days off of school. See, I had planned to do my homework on Monday and turn it in on Tuesday. But then on Monday my sister needed my help with a whole list of things that she had to get done, so I ended up starting my homework sometime around 11 pm, instead of 11 am as I had planned. The problem was that I had no slack built in to my time, so I couldn’t accommodate any variation without massive repercussions. Since then I’ve been trying to be more proactive in managing my time, getting things done and out of the way so I have room for last minute “surprises.”

Having slack in your time allows you to not only stay on schedule for unexpected events, it also gives you the freedom to make choices in the moment. If I had been running late for an appointment as I drove across town that day, I would not have had time to pull over and grab that kid’s ball. If my homework was due Monday night instead of Tuesday morning, I would not have been able to help my sister with her needs.

So this is my goal: don’t pack my day so full that I have no time to stop and help a friend. Don’t put things off to the last minute so my time is constrained and I can’t choose where to spend those precious moments of the day. In essence, manage the slack.

Eating Sushi in a Landlocked State

Since moving to the desert, I have been greatly saddened by the lack of fresh seafood. You have to understand, I used to work half a block away from one of the best sushi restaurants in DC and sometimes I just really need some good sushi. So a couple of months ago I found out that a friend of mine lived in Japan for two years and knows how to make sushi like a PRO. He didn’t know it at the time, but I determined there and then that Spicy Tuna would be part of my life again. A few weeks ago, I commandeered my grandmother’s house and the stars aligned with great friends, a lot of rice, some tuna, salmon, mango, cucumber, avocado, and loads of various and sundry tasty morsels to create the best sushi night between the Rocky Mountains and the Sierra Nevada.

The point of this, however, is not to reflect on homemade fine dining. At the end of the night, after putting away the leftovers and getting the house reasonably put back together, I ushered the last guests to the door and went back to finish up the dishes. At close to midnight, and up to my elbows in suds, a visiting family friend walked into the kitchen and started rinsing and drying the dishes I had washed. Two minutes later, his wife joined him and I was relegated to making small talk while they busily tidied up the remainders of my party.

They made quick work of the kitchen, and I was left completely blown away by the simple service that this couple happily performed. They were in the house visiting from out of town, heard my guests leave and knew I was alone with a mess. Without hesitation, they were right there, pitching in and making sure I didn’t spend the whole night cleaning away. While I went home with fond memories of the close friends and the great food from the evening, the more lasting impression was from two new friends who taught me a little bit more about how to live a life focused less on myself and more on those around me. It’s one thing to ask, “what can I do to help?” and then leave with a satisfied conscience. It’s something else entirely to just walk up to the sink, grab a washcloth and get to work. My goal going forward is to stop asking and just start doing.

Update: The image here is from Jiro Dreams of Sushi. That guy is a master, but his people skills could use a little work.

Learning to Give

In my Personal Financial Planning class, one of the four stated objectives is Learning to Give. The syllabus explains:

Learn to give. If you cannot learn to give when you are poor (which is now), you will never learn to give when you are rich. Someone said “We make a living by what we get, but we build a life by what we give.” Giving is not determined by your checkbook, but by your heart.

I hadn’t really thought specifically about learning to give, how I learned it, or what inspired others. When thinking about it, though, it’s obvious, isn’t it? Giving is a learned attribute, something that is most often ingrained in us as children.

One of my family’s favorite Christmas stories is from when we were living in Germany many years ago. My grandparents came in to town on the train, and when my mom went to pick them up from the station they encountered an elderly woman who was alone and trying to find a place where she could get dinner on Christmas Eve. In the completely pure-hearted manner that I learned to recognize in my parents, they just scooped her up and brought her home with them to spend the holiday meal with our family.

We had five girls at home, aged about 12 years old to 2. We didn’t speak German. She didn’t speak English. But somehow that wasn’t a problem at all. We sang songs and reenacted the Nativity scene, and at the end of the evening we were eager to finish our traditions by opening one present. With this stranger in our midst, we were instantaneously transformed from gift receivers to gift givers. We ran around the house finding anything that might be appropriate for our new friend. I remember pulling a decorative little hat off the wall and wrapping it with hurried care. This sweet woman was overcome by the simple generosity of a young family, opening their home to a perfect stranger.

Twenty years later, my grandparents, parents and sisters still recount this story with lots of smiles and laughter. It’s a great memory for all of us, but it’s also more than that. As we sit around reminiscing and share this story with the next generation of children and grandchildren, we’re teaching a critical lesson. We are givers. We open our hearts and our homes to those in need. That is a scary thing to do! Life is hectic and sometimes we barely have enough resources just to get from day to day. But when we are willing to take a moment and give back, it makes life so much sweeter.

To help implement learning (and teaching) to give, this year I am going to give Kiva cards to my close friends and family. I am so excited for my little nephews to look through the website and decide which person to loan their money to and to get them thinking about the lives and circumstances of people in other parts of the world. I’m also looking into KidsasHeroes.org to see if there are any other programs that we can help support as a family.

There are thousands of opportunities to make an impact and help others. What tools and resources have you used to encourage others to learn to give?

Everyday Inspiration

When I left my house this morning it was snowing. In buckets. Again. Last year’s mild winter obviously spoiled me, because I am still inexplicably surprised every time I walk outside and can’t see the ground for layers of ice and snow drifts. After a harrowing drive to make an early appointment, I decided to stop for breakfast on the way back and give the snow plows a chance to get out and at least clear the worst of the weather.

As I sat next to the window, overhearing snippets of conversation from the room around me, one of the men in the next booth said, “Should we give him a push?” With no further discussion, these two guys left their breakfast, didn’t even pause to put on their coats, and walked outside to give a helping hand to the Mustang that was hopelessly spinning his wheels in the parking lot. It only took a second, he was on his way, and they were back inside as if nothing happened.While these two strangers probably aren’t on a mission to change the world, they’re doing it anyway.

Kid President gave us some great advice in his pep talk:

“This is your time. This is my time. It’s our time, if we can make everyday better for each other, if we’re all in the same team let’s start acting like it. We got work to do. We can cry about it or dance about it. We were made to be awesome.”

That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m just a normal person, eating mybreakfast, wondering how one little drop in the vast sea of humanity can do anything to help hold back the storms and make life a little easier for my team. I can’t quit work and go build orphanages in Asia. I can’t start a non-profit that teaches literacy to the kids in the favela. I don’t even think I’d be good at it. But I am determined to make a difference. So come with me on this journey to find out how one person, in whatever small and simple ways, can help change the world.